There are a lot of comedians who say funnier things than Steve Harvey, but I’m not sure there are any who are better at reacting than him. His face morphs from confusion to wonder to outrage to pure joy within a matter of moments. It’s a beautiful thing to watch, especially when that face is reacting to an absurd story about a woman autographing her name on her boyfriend’s penis before he goes out as an anti-cheating defense system.
When most people listen to a story, they take the majority of it in before reacting, especially when it’s of a sensitive nature. To save the other person, they do their best to not instantaneously judge. Not Steve. He hangs on every single word like a 4-year-old finding out whether or not the Halloween candy he’s about to receive is delicious or shitty. I love it.
Let’s walk through the different emotions Steve feels while listening to this wild tale of dick autographs…
Wait, a sharpie? I can't believe what I'm hearing right now. She gets out a what? Right there on his wang? I missed some details. We need to start over. What the hell is going on here?
I must have heard something about this story wrong. There's no way this crazy lady really draws all over his manhood. That can’t happen. Let’s ask some follow-up questions. What color was this sharpie? You sign that shit on the dick or the balls? I need answers.
Who the hell does this woman think she is? I don’t know if her man is cheating or not, but no dude deserves to walk around like he’s been playing dick Pictionary. Hell no. Someone needs to say something. Why aren't these so-called experts talking? They should be yelling already.
She is serious. She does do this bullshit. And it’s glorious! I’m going to laugh and laugh and roll around in this awkwardness like there’s no tomorrow. How many more chances like this am I going to have? It'll be weeks before the producers let me get a topic this good. I need to make the most of it.
Under normal circumstances, it would be easy to point the finger at Steve Harvey and act like he did something wrong, like he’s a dick for being a dick about this woman’s weird dick fetish, but really, there’s no overreacting to a story like this. If you don’t trust a dude enough to go out and not cheat on you, you shouldn’t be with him. It’s as simple as that. Taking a marker out and autographing your husband/ boyfriend's penis is crazy.
Never change, Steve Harvey. Never change. We all love you.
Enthusiastic about Clue, case-of-the-week mysteries, the NBA and cookies at Disney World. Less enthusiastic about the pricing structure of cable, loud noises and Tuesdays.
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