Regardless of all the disagreements currently happening – whether they’re about politics, sports or the cultural significance of magic-based television specials – I think the majority of civilized and mentally sound citizens can agree on at least one thing: terrible Trick-or-Treat candy. There are some pieces of matter that you shouldn’t even bury in the Earth, much less put inside the bag of a child whose taste buds are still under development. But perfect Halloween bags are nearly impossible to come across, because every neighborhood has miserable mopes who are determined to (perhaps unintentionally) ruin the greatest holiday of the year for those interested in the sugar-coated macabre.

Arriving home on Halloween night is supposed to be followed by a jubilant bag-dumping, with a waterfall of chocolate, caramel and other blissfully melty morsels cascading onto the bed or couch or welcome mat, depending on how far you actually get into the house. But there’s always something there to screw it up, and these are the ten worst candies to find cohabitating with your Snickers and your Twix. We’re throwing Mini Almond Joys up in the air as quote marks when we say candies.

Good & Plenty
Good & Plenty candies were first produced in Philadelphia in 1893 and are presumably the reason why anyone has ever shown disdain for Americans ever since. I would gladly receive and eat an apple with a ring of razor blades sticking out of it than put my tongue anywhere in the vicinity of this hot medicinal garbage. There’s a reason why there’s still Plenty.

Instead of saying “Trick or treat,” I should have said: Please give me a reason to hate you and everything you love in a one-second gesture.

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