The Olsen twins are hot. Anyone who says otherwise has poor vision or bad taste. In fact, I’ve thought they were gorgeous for about fifteen years. No, I don’t have a predilection for pedophilia; they’ve just always been the same age as I am. When I was six, I was convinced that I was going to live happily ever after with Mary-Kate. I don’t really remember why I arbitrarily pushed her sister aside and settled on the sportier one, but I was only in Kindergarten. I had my reasons, dammit! In the last fifteen years, I’ve moved on to bustier crushes, but in case she’s reading this, I’m still down, Mary-Kate. I’m still down.

Thankfully, myself along with millions of other fans may be about to see a little more of the titillating twosome. According to Monsters and Critics, James Bond executives are looking to cast the pair in the upcoming, tentatively titled Bond 22. If I was a below-average writer, I would probably make some ill-advised Olsen twin shaken, not stirred joke. Luckily, I’m better than that. Wait, I think I thought of a good one. Never mind, the time has passed. The deal isn’t done yet, but rumors indicate that the starlets may be looking for a no sex clause in their contracts. Where do people get off still having morals? Honestly!

It’s not a total loss for those of you only interested in watching seductive vixens, though. Dame Judy Dench has agreed to return to her post as Bond boss M. There’s just no sexual tension like that of a secret agent and a sultry old woman. Giancarlo Giannini will also reprise his roll as Rene Mathis. There’s no word on when the Casino Royale follow-up will arrive in theatres, but a good guess would probably be next summer.

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