Throughout the entirety of Backrooms, plenty of references can be found to internet culture and pop culture, from nods to the OG imagery to Portal sound cues to NeverEnding Story on TV. But even though I’m not entirely sure if one line form the movie is meant to bring a classic Simpsons episode to mind, I can’t stop making that connection. (No overarching theories about it yet, though.)
The line in question comes from the bizarro mural that Renate Reinsve’s Mary stumbles across just before the movie’s biggest point of no return, when Chiwetel Ejiofor’s Clark puts Mary in a choke hold and she wakes up for the worst dinner ever. And here it is: “Tables Don’t Bleed Blood.” But before we talk that line out, let’s jump into addressing one of The Simpsons’ most argued-about jokes in its 38-seasons run, which will make things easier.
The Simpsons' Most Contentious Joke
The situation I’m bringing up here, for context, is not like the way Obsession was directly inspired by a Simpsons ep, and my thoughts are far looser. Season 8's "You Only Move Twice" has been an all-time classic pretty much since it first aired, thanks in large part to the charmingly villainous Hank Scorpio, as voiced by Albert Brooks. When Hank pays the Simpsons a visit in their new home, he addresses his mocassins and suddently tosses them out with gusto. After which, this long-debated phrasing is used:
- HANK SCORPIO: "Ever seen a guy say goodbye to a shoe?"
- HOMER: "Yes, once.'
One might not think this joke seems complicated enough to debate, but you'd be wrong. Many people believe that Homer chuckles as he thinks back to a previous instance where he saw a man say goodbye it. But on the flip side of the argument, the idea is that Homer is basing his answer on having just seen Hank do it. It's hard to think of a nerdier thing to argue over, which is why I love it.
As far as Dan Castellaneta is concerned, it was an ad-libbed line where he probably meant it the simpler way, though the voice actor admitted it’s a funnier joke if Homer is solely referring to Hank having just tossed his footwear.
Why "Tables Don't Bleed Blood" Brings The Simpsons To Mind
In the record-breaking summer release, the oddball unexplained statement in the image seen above may seem simple on the outset, but much like Hank Scorpio's question, one can actually read into it in different ways that are more or less equally disturbing.
- The Straightforward Declarative - the idea here is that it's a plain reminder that tables, as a nonbiological household entity, are not capable of secreting vital-to-life fluids.
- The Splitting-Hair Differentiator - within the seemingly endless halls of the Complex, there may very well be enough misremembered pieces of furniture that a small number of specific items are, in fact, capable of bleeding. Perhaps that purple desk is a bleeder, and that's why the Hazmat suit guys want nothing to do with it.
- The "Tables Do Bleed Something" Assumption - Given the line drawn beneath "Blood," it stands to reason the meaning here alludes to the idea that tables bleed something other than blood. Which is an idea that taps into Kane Parsons referring to some Backrooms-originated items as "furniture crabs." Crabs and other arthropods are filled with the bloodlike circulatory fluid Hemolymph, so they can bleed, just not traditional blood.
In the end, it almost doesn't matter which version is correct, since we don't actually get to see any tables during the movie where that statement gets addressed. As such, we may never know which way this sentence is supposed to be uttered. The blood has not left the building...'s furniture.
For those who want to rewatch Backrooms in all its yellow-tinted glory, be sure to find it streaming via HBO Max subscription.
