Astronaut Diaper Plot Becomes A Movie

We live in an era where Hollywood studios buy up the rights to books before they’ve been even written. They start planning to make movies out of videogames that haven’t yet been played. So it should come as no surprise that only a few days after the story originally broke, an organization called Granada America has snatched up the rights to make a movie out of Astronaut Lisa Nowak’s adventures in diaper wearing and man stalking.

Come on, you’ve heard the news story by now. Navy captain Lisa Nowak drove cross country wearing diapers so she wouldn’t have to stop for bathroom breaks (though didn’t she have to stop for gas) to confront the woman who she thought was involved with a space shuttle pilot she was obsessively in love with. Her plan was rather vague, it seems to have involved a trench coat, a wig, and some pepper spray. I think that’s also the way Chris Farley died, isn’t it? Anyway, she was arrested and charged with attempted murder, though how you can murder someone with a can of pepper spray remains something of a mystery.

So, five minutes later Yahoo News and the Associated Press are reporting that Granada America, makers of made-for-tv-films which cash in on real life stories, have optioned the right to the original New York Times article on Lisa Nowak. Personally, I’d have thought they’d go straight to Nowak. So far though, they’ve just snatched up the Time article. Watch for Meredith Baxter Bernie clad in a loaded pair of Depends adult diapers coming soon to a Lifetime channel near you. Or (shudder), should it somehow end up in movie theaters expect Juliette Lewis in poop filled pants.

UPDATE! Now it's getting a little hard to know what to believe. The original story came from the Associated Press, who spoke to Granada. Granada told the AP that they had optioned the rights to the New York Times story. However, the New York Times now denies everything. They say that neither they, nor any of their writers have any such deal. Did Granada make it up? Did the AP misquote Granada? Or is the Times lying? Does anyone really care that much? God I hope not.

Josh Tyler