I always feel uncomfortable and a little out of my element when I’m forced to report on the upcoming G.I. Joe movie. It’s not that I bear it any specific ill will, it’s just that when I was a kid my world was divided into two very specific groups: Those who watched Transformers and those who watched G.I. Joe. I fell rather firmly into the former group, and so for me G.I. Joe has always existed only as this vaguely popular entity which I knew was out there, but only bullies and illiterate kids who were good at sports actually invested any time in. So while I know that a lot of you are as excited about this G.I. Joe movie in the same way I geeked out about Transformers, to me it’ll always be a movie for the dumb kids who don’t have very well developed imaginations.
That’s completely unfair, you deserve your movie as much as us smart kids do. So here’s the latest on that toy soldier movie.
CS has scored an update from Hasbro on what to expect from G.I. Joe. Hasbro, you’ll remember from all the toy commercials in your youth, is the company that actually owns Joe and originally created the 80s cartoon series as a way to sell their crummy dolls.
It seems the movie will be based, as expected, primarily on the G.I. Joe mythos of the 80s and not the lame, non-descript G.I. Joe’s which were sold to your parents in the 60s. Duh. Hasbro says the movie is “based on a cast of fictional heroes and villains that make up the "G.I. Joe vs. Cobra" fantasy. The premise of this fantasy is the story of the G.I. Joe team, led by Duke, and their "fight for freedom wherever there is trouble" against the evil Cobra Commander and his Cobra force.”
We can however, expect that storyline to be updated to the modern era. This isn’t some 80s period piece. Also Hasbro says, “The G.I. Joe team will not be based in Brussels. Instead, they will be based out of the "Pit" as they were throughout the 1980s comic book series. And, in keeping with the G.I. Joe vs. Cobra fantasy, the movie will feature characters and locations from around the world. Duke, the lead character and head of the G.I. Joe team, will embody the values of bravery and heroism that the first generation of G.I. Joe figures established.”
So there you go. G.I. Joe will go… exactly where it’s gone before. Except with bigger effects. Go Joe! And if the movie’s a hit, maybe every Transformers nerd’s fantasy will come true, and we’ll get a Transformers versus GI Joe showdown. You GI Joe kids may be able to pants us, but just wait till Optimus Prime squashes Duke flat.