The first footage from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy popped up online today, and much like Marvin, I couldn’t be more thoroughly depressed.
It’s not that the footage is bad per say. There’s some nice bits where Martin Freeman as Arthur flops about in his robe in front of some bulldozers. Though Arthur seems a little more limp wristed than I imagined, the bathrobe is quite nice. No, the problem is Zaphod, who appears only briefly sporting a wonderful Bee Gees look but seems to be missing one very key component. That component would be his head. He has one, but only one, which is quite disconcerting I imagine when you’re used to having two.
The thing about Zaphod you see is that he is quite firmly two-headed. But this Zaphod, played by Sam Rockwell quite certainly is not. Rumor from horrible places like AICN and some strange place called ComicBookResources.com (who shouldn’t even be covering this, stick to comics you greedy bastards) claim that in fact he does have a second head, only it will be hidden in his nose. The problem there is that I imagine that this will make it most difficult for him to hide his second head inside a birdcage when he meets Trillian. I mean he’ll have to fit the birdcage up his left nostril. Sam Rockwell has beautifully clear breathing passages, yet I suspect he’d find this a difficult feat.
Could AICN be wrong and in fact they just plan to add the important second head as an effect in post-production? Possibly, however I don’t see any extra appliances on Rockwell’s person that might indicate they’re aiming for this process. Instead, it seems quite likely that AICN is correct, head number 2 will be in his nose, or worse (or maybe only equally bad) he’ll have no second head at all. The nose theory looks most horrifying and most likely since the folks in charge have stated repeatedly that the number of his heads shall be two.
While I realize some liberties must be taken with adaptations, removing appendages from primary players is simply not acceptable. Ok ok, it’s in his nose, sorry, that’s pretty much the same thing as hacking it off. Zaphod does not have a secret head he hides in his nose. He has two heads which are equal players in controlling his actions. They argue. They disagree. They make him the froody guy that he is. HHG has taken a horrible turn for the worst and I couldn’t be more depressed. It’s just gone from my most anticipated movie of 2005 to absolutely my most dreaded. Thanks guys, you’ve crushed my spirit.
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