Lately, there have been some ugly rumor swirling, mainly that legendary superhero Thor and his longtime girlfriend Jane Foster have broken up. Even more staggering, these rumors claimed he'd be moving on with the scheming woman from the Board Of Directors in Westworld. Well, I regret to inform you that these depressing whispers are apparently true. True love is dead, and Thor and Jane are no more.
The gut-wrenching confirmation officially dropped today from Entertainment Weekly. Unfortunately, no explanation was given, just that they broke up prior to Ragnarok. So, basically, we have no idea how one of the greatest love stories of the 21st Century ended. The only responsible thing right now we can do is guess. Actually, brainstorm might be the more fitting word. Here are all the possibilities I could think of...
They couldn't decide on whether to have Little Thors or not.
He cheated on her, probably with Lady Sif.
She cheated on him, probably with Tony Stark.
Thor said negative things about Darcy Lewis and Jane got mad.
They couldn't decide whether to live on Asgard or on Earth.
Jane hated Thor's new bromance with The Hulk.
She was spending too much time doing science things.
He was spending too much time doing superhero things.
You gotta assume it was him spending too much time doing superhero things, right? I mean, she's an independent woman. She doesn't strike me as the type that would want to hang out every single second of every day. She would definitely give him space, but at some point, you need to be at least vaguely around. Between all the BS constantly going on with his idiot brother Loki, problems back on Asgard, carrying around his hammer and eating a bazillion calories of Shawarma every day, there's just not that much leftover Jane time.
Regardless of what actually happened, the entire world should be in mourning today. It's not often we see a beautiful love story split over a handful of scenes in two separate movies involving a superhero and a mortal. Their beautiful relationship will be missed for years to come. In their honor, we've put together a very serious and very important tribute to their time together...
Stay strong, friends. Together, we'll get through this, at least until Ragnarok comes out, which is set to feature some kind of relationship between Thor and new character Valkyrie.