The latest season of Game Of Thrones just ended, and now, I'm wide awake speculating on what utter bullshit Cersei might get up to next year. I have my own theories involving damn near every character, of course, but this article isn't about that. I can bore you with all my half-cocked prognostications on who will do it, with what deadly weapon, in which ancient city some other time. Right now, all I want to talk about are the lingering questions I have and most other Game Of Thrones fans should have going into Season 8.
Obviously, this list isn't complete. I could seriously ask a new question every five minutes until I have to get up for work tomorrow morning without running out. Even with limiting myself to only the most important queries, it'll be midnight before I'm finished writing this stream-of-consciousness nonsense. But what the hell? I'll sleep when I'm dead, at least as long as the Night King doesn't find my grave and touch it with his cold finger.
So, like Ned Stark's head, let's roll...
Now That Jon Has Done The Incest, Will He Continue After He Knows It's Incest?
There are now at least two people who know Jon Snow's real identity: Weirdo Bran and Samwell Tarly. I've long given up on predicting what the hell Bran will do at any given moment, but Samwell is a pretty straight arrow. He's going to tell Jon the second he sees him, and when he does, Jon is going to freak out. Regardless of his true parentage, he has too much Ned Stark in him to be immediately OK with banging his aunt. He'll have to pace back and forth for awhile and make some groans before deciding how to carry on.
I don't really think Daenerys will care that much. Incest is in the Targaryen blood. Whether she's happy or not, she'll get over it. But will Jon?
What's Going On With The Red Woman?
The last time we saw Melisandre, she was sparring back and forth with Lord Varys. Ultimately, she dropped a really creepy prophecy that they'll both die on Dragonstone. And then she vanished. She's assumedly in Volantis, but there's no way she doesn't reemerge to play a key role in the final season. She's been too important, and there may or may not be more shadow babies to have.
Did Tormund Just Die?
I'll go ahead and answer this one for you. No. I mean I guess it's possible, but Game Of Thrones loves giving its characters, especially its popular or long-lasting ones (see Littlefinger earlier tonight), a real moment to go out on. Dying off screen as the wall collapsed just doesn't feel right. Plus, he still needs to give us Game Of Thrones' oddest all-time sex scene with The Big Woman, Brienne of Tarth.
I mean, can any of us really imagine what those two scary killers would say to each other in bed? I'm not even sure Lord Varys would want to know. But I need to know.
Are Jaime And Cersei Done For Reals?
Tonight's episode seemed to indicate the most famous non-couple in the Seven Kingdoms has broken up. If so, that's deeply shocking and at least for me, oddly sad. Almost every event on this show can be directly tied back to these two familial idiots deciding to have sex in a tower while they were at Winterfell in Season 1, Episode 1. There was a moment when it seemed like Cersei was going to have the Mountain chop off Jaime's head. She didn't, and now he's riding on a horse, assumedly to meet up with Tyrion and friends heading North.
But are they actually done? What would that mean for the alleged baby? The fates of these two characters feels like it has to be linked together. He needs to kill her. She needs to kill him, or they need to ultimately win together.
Is The Show Trying To Make Us Like Theon?
I mean, seriously. Come'on. I know Game Of Thrones loves flipping expectations and playing with morality, but with all due respect to the Old Gods and the New, the only constant in Westeros should always be Theon's cowardice. I don't want to see him get some big redemption moment next season. Or maybe I'm just a bad person and everyone else is rooting for him? Nah, I think we all agree he sucks.
That being said, what the hell he's up to next season is really important. Dany and crew are headed North, which means Theon is going to be one of her only allies sticking around to play with Cersei and Euron Greyjoy. What he does could swing the coming war. Or he could just jump in the water at the first sign of trouble again. Because he's still Theon.
What Was Tyrion Looking So Sad About?
Uh oh. This is really bad for the team most people would consider the Good Guys. While Dany and Jon Snow, or Aegon Targaryen, were making incest in the next room, Tyrion was staring angrily at the door. Is it because he thinks it's a poor decision for Dany and Jon to mix personal feelings with a war against first the Night King and then Cersei? Maybe.
Or maybe he's just in love with her. Dany has had her share of interested guys during these seven seasons, and Tyrion would seem to be the next most logical candidate. If he does love her, that may set up a rivalry with Jon Snow, which would be all kinds of unfortunate for at least half the Game Of Thrones viewers who love those two characters the most.