Spoilers below for anyone who hasn't yet witnessed the hilarity of Veep's latest episode.
Veep's seventh and final season continued on Sunday night with the episode "Discovery Weekend," which centered on a complication-filled retreat in Aspen held by the self-important tech guru Felix Wade, as portrayed with magical aloofness by guest star William Fichtner. By the end, both Selina Meyer and her now-rival (and former lover) Tom James were surprised to see a new opponent enter the campaign trail in Toks Olagundoye's Senator Kemi Talbot. Plus, Jonah is currently facing a #NotMe campaign from women denying they ever dated him.
In other words, it was all in a weekend's work for Veep's movers and shakers, and they let loose with a bunch of predictably hilarious jokes along the way. Let's go over some of the most hilarious (and downright filthy ones) here.
Teddy Slams Jonah
Only Jonah Ryan would start off a press interview by making a politically incorrect joke about getting men to have sex with Ellen DeGeneres, which wasn't helped by the fact that he was being accused of acting in a sexually inappropriate manner by someone. When Jonah attempted to deny such things, Teddy rhetorically asked one of the most sincerely sourced questions to ever come out of a Veep character's mouth.
Jonah, who have you traumatized? And start with the doctor who delivered you.
Viewers did get to see the woman who birthed Jonah later in the episode, with Nancy Lenehan reprising the role of Jonah's mom later in the ep when Jonah's "completely appropriate" behavior was announced on TV, much to his chagrin.
Jonah Offends All The People
It took Jonah another four seconds or so to once again justify Teddy assuming that Jonah has been making people miserable since entering the world. As soon as Richard started mentioning examples of women Jonah had offended, it was clearly a rabbit hole that could not be cemented. Thankfully for taste's sake, he only talked about a few of them, capping it off with this hilarious exchange.
Jonah: Oh, Monster Tits and Monster Tits Jr.? But all I did there was express some genuine concern that they have bras big enough to handle all that meant.
Richard: At the Congressional prayer breakfast.
Jonah: Yeah, it was exactly what Jesus would have done. I mean, he’s a man, too, Teddy.
While Jonah has always been a ruthlessly ignorant plug, the character has become all the more obnoxiously toxic as a political candidate, and the #NotMe backlash seems like a truly brilliant way to upend his misplaced pride. Plus, it makes one wonder if he actually did talk about those women's breasts at the prayer breakfast. Well, scratch that. He absolutely did.
Selina's Bulimia Advice
Selina's tolerance level for Amy has seemingly reached new lows in Season 7, although she did try to give Amy some advice about her bulimia. Which would have been an awkward step in a somewhat positive direction, only Amy doesn't actually have bulimia, which is what Gary mistook her morning sickness for. In any case, here's Selina's A+ guidance.
Amy, please, we all know. And I would give you one word of advice, which is to try laxatives. I’ll tell you why. It saves your teeth. [clacks fingernail against tooth]
Not exactly the kind of material one would see in greeting card from a mother to her daughter. Probably not the kind of advice anyone but Selina Meyer would give, either. And that makes it priceless, I think.
Both Amy And Dan Get Slammed For The Price Of One
Whenever Selina actually does figure out that Amy is legitimately pregnant – which took Amy saying it non-sarcastically a couple of times to do the trick – the former POTUS was flabbergasted. (As was Gary, who felt his own sickness coming on.) Then, when Amy lets it slip that Dan is the father, Selina broke out one of my all-time favorite Veep insults.
Selina: Dan fucked you? What, were you wearing a full-length mirror?
Gary: [laughs] That was tough, but fair.
"Discovery Weekend" had already featured multiple slams against Amy's looks and weight, as well as against Dan's usually non-malleable ego, but Selina looped both of those conceits together for a barb that provides just as much brevity as knee-slapping hilarity. Selina then doubled down by stopping Amy from going to the restroom in order to tell her this whopper.
Listen, I did not spend my entire life defending a woman’s right to choose for you to choose this.
The only reaction to that is to holler, "Dayummmm," while lighting a dumpster on fire.
Heart(attack)felt Confessions And Then Some
Just as audiences and Selina herself thought that Tom was about to get an earful for his ill-timed confession of love ahead of Selina's speech, he confessed to having had a heart attack. Taken aback, Selina admits she'd had her own, and the two morally defunct politicians shared how their respective teams spun the heart attacks for the press.
Tom: We called mine a routine prostate procedure.
Selina: Well, yeah, men have it so easy. People assumed I was having a facelift. And then when I did have a facelift, I had to tell everybody I was visiting the troops.
Tom: When I had my facelift, we told people that you were having a facelift.
The entire kitchen exchange, smooch and all, showed off masterful work from Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Hugh Laurie. They somehow manage to earn viewers' approval for their illicit relationship gain new ground, despite both being physiologically closer to monsters than human beings.
Selina So Horny
While part of Selina would no doubt like to crush Tom like a flea, another part of her would like a very different line of events to go down. Her pent-up desires provided Tony Hale an exquisite reaction shot after the ever-onlooking Gary suggested how Selina should soothe herself.
Gary: How about a hot soak with a Laura Mercier bath bomb?
Selina: Is it gonna explode between my legs and make me cum until I cry?
Gary: ...I think it’s peppermint.
To live as Gary must be a never-ending battle with the urge to destroy the things one loves. His fondness and love for her still prevail, though, even through the worst of times, such as when she made the comment about making Tom choke on his own large penis to see how he liked it. That was another classic AF Gary face.
The Best Of The Rest
Since not every moment fully deserves to stand alone as an entry, I've rounded up some of the other zingers and stingers that earned a lot of laughs during the episode.
Such as when Mike can be heard saying, "There it is," as he rises up from beneath a buffet table while putting a corn cob into his mouth. Kent noted later in the episode that Mike, who is falling upwards at Buzzfeed, was later having trouble at the sprinkler dispenser.
Or when Amy walked up to the group after her bathroom jaunt, and Kent gave her some practical advice.
Amy, you got some vomit on your mustache.
How about when Felix Wade and Selina were taking a walk through nature together, and Felix offered up a life lesson he was particularly fond of.
Felix: The thing I realized about hip-hop before anyone else is that the artists would sign away the publishing rights for next to nothing. [laughs]
Selina: That is an incredible anecdote.
Tom got me chuckling when he was talking about viewing a heart attack from a different perspective.
Quadruple bypass. It’s the old James ticker. Which I was all for when it killed my dad, but it’s not so funny when the shoe’s on the other ventricle.
"Discover Weekend" also ended in a sublime way, with Jonah offering up a piece of shitty advice and then getting an unofficial diagnosis of a spinal condition.
Jonah: Oh, remember. Lift with your back.
Richard: It’s your legs. Legs.
Jonah: No, you lift with your back.
Richard: Oh, that’s incorrect. That could probably be the main cause of your scoliosis.
Johan: I have scoliosis?
Richard: Oh, yes. Clearly.