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TV Recap: Ugly Betty - Kissed Off

So long, Manhattan. That could be the theme for this week’s episode of Ugly Betty. Betty moves back to Queens. Connor moves on from Molly. Marc moves out of his apartment. And the insufferable, massively egotistic Jesse moves out of Betty’s world, hopefully forever. Yup, lots of changes ahead…

Betty is moving out of her apartment in a week but she has yet to find a new roommate for Amanda. Don’t worry too much because it’ll only be a sublet but still, she’s moving back to Queens to help with her father, who can seriously take care of himself. She’s just interviewed and subsequently rejected her last subletee applicant when she hears Jesse, yes that Jesse, practicing his god awful music in the hallway. She and Amanda freaks out but on her soon-to-be former roommates’ advice, she goes out to talk to him. See, Betty just has to clear the air so she can move back to Queens with the slate clean. But when she sees him, they end up talking and he ends up back at her apartment and they end up sharing an awkward, almost painful to watch, kiss.

Well, now she certainly can’t leave because there could be a romance in her future. First, she consults the most man-friendly person she knows, the lovely Amanda, who then consults the most man-friendly person she knows, hilarious Marc and together, they re-enact the scene to determine what Jesse is thinking. This includes Marc pretending to be Betty and sitting on Amanda’s (who is playing Jesse in this impromptu play) lap. She calls herself Daddy and he coos like a baby bird and…wait for it…yup. Another awkward kiss that turns into a full on make-out session that we only see through Betty’s, the real one’s, facial expressions and background slurping. They do decide that Jesse is into Betty, or he was really drunk but we’ll go with into Betty.

She returns to her building and knocks on his door but there’s no answer. She calls him, hears the phone ringing through the door, and then is sent to voicemail. He seriously screened her call! This is the same guy who told her she was beautiful, let her throw an amazing party for his band to play, kissed her roommate and then kissed her. If it was me, I would say screw it but we know that’s not how Betty works. She needs closure and she surely can’t move home until she has it. On Daniel’s advice, she goes to hear Jesse play and bombards him while he’s on stage. He apologizes and says he was just confused and then asks her out on a date. Say what? And she says yes. Seriously, what?

They meet at the same place where he was just playing and they share a completely intimate and totally one-sided date. I don’t think Betty was able to say more than, “Oh,” and “Wow,” the entire dinner. Then it happened. Betty’s brain actually aligned with the viewers and she saw Jesse singing a song appropriately titled, “Me.” Basically, he sang, in Betty’s head, of course, about just how narcissistic he is. When he finished, he told Betty how good she is for him because she’s so smart and such a good listener. This is what pushed her over the edge. Betty actually stood up, told Jesse off, and walked off. I’ve never been so proud, except maybe for when she stole the dress from Elle. The only problem with her new found closure is now she has no excuse to stay in her apartment. At least she finally found a suitable subletter. Tada! It’s Marc. His landlord raised his rent again and he can stare at Jake Gyllenhaal run around the park across the street so it was a no-brainer for him. Plus, Betty can sleep well knowing the rent will be paid on time. She moves home and blah, blah.

I could probably fill this entire paragraph with blahs. Ignacio is mad that his nurse is making him eat better and exercise. Damn her. How dare she worry about your health after you have a heart attack. Blah. Hilda and Justin are helping whenever they’re home but mostly, Ignacio cooks for himself, moves around on his own, and takes his own medicine, blah blah blah. He can do everything for himself. The nurse is there to help convince him he needs to change his lifestyle, which she does. Why is Betty moving home!!!! Please, some one tell me what they’re thinking over at Ugly Betty Headquarters because every time they have her move forward, they swing her back around for no apparent reason. Whatever. Her family’s fine.

Daniel and Connor are another story. After blowing off Wilhelmina and having Daniel stake-out Molly’s apartment, Connor finally discovers that the hand in the picture belongs to his best friend, Daniel. There was some definite punching involved but the talk they had during the stake-out, when Daniel told Connor he should embrace how happy he is with Willie, must have stuck a little bit. Surprising, I know. I expected Connor to bust into Willie’s office and say he wanted to bring down Daniel. Instead, he busted into Willie’s office and said that she could have him, wholly, if she still wanted him. Not even kidding. Looks like some one will have a little bit of romantic happiness. Who knew that was even possible on TV, let alone on primetime soap? Those silly writers do always seem to redeem themselves with something.