There’s something funny about grief, and A Real Pain captures it perfectly. The film, written and directed by Jesse Eisenberg, is about two cousins — played by Eisenberg and Kieran Culkin — taking a trip to Poland to visit their late grandmother’s old home. This movie, which I saw at a press screening for the New York Film Festival, is a hilarious and tragic depiction of grief, loss and family, and it somehow managed to be both the funniest and saddest project on the 2024 movie schedule that I’ve seen so far.
Warning, there will be minor spoilers moving forward. If you want to see this fantastic film, you can catch it in theaters anywhere on November 1 or at NYFF on October 5, 6 or 13.
A Real Pain Is Uproariously Funny
Going into this film, I knew it would be funny. You can’t have a project that stars Jesse Eisenberg, Kieran Culkin and their snappy frenetic energy and have it not be funny. However, I didn’t expect it to be this hilarious seeing as it’s a story about two Jewish men going to Poland to learn about the Holocaust and their grandmother’s past.
I knew we were in for a wild time when the film started with Eisenberg’s David leaving Culkin’s Benji a million messages on his way to the airport just to be ambushed by his cousin — who got there early — and his exclamation about getting them good weed for their trip. That moment got the audience going, and from there, we were laughing along with the two leads on this rollercoaster of a film.
The majority of the humor in this centers around Culkin and Eisenberg’s signature comedic sensibilities. If you are looking for the snarky humor of Roman Roy from Succession, you’ll get a new version of it in this. If you want that awkward, understated humor Eisenberg brings to films like Adventureland and Zombieland, you’ll get that too, and they work together magnificently.
One of my favorite instances in A Real Pain that showed off this point brilliantly came when the two got stuck on a train they weren’t supposed to be on without tickets. While David was stressed out the whole time, Benji had a plan, and it led to them bickering, and saying things like:
David: This is so fucking stupid, tickets are probably like 12 bucks.
Benji: It’s the principle of things, you shouldn’t have to pay for a train ticket in Poland, this is our country.
David: Not it’s not, it was our country, they kicked us out ‘cause they thought we were cheap.
It’s a truly hilarious and snappy moment – which you can actually see in the trailer – that also starts to re-bond the cousins on this trip. And it’s funny instances like these that perfectly balance the tragic and terribly sad beats in Eisenberg’s project that’s all about reconnecting with family.
However, It’s Also Deeply Tragic As It Explores Loss And Grief
The thing that caused this trip to Poland was the death of David and Benji’s grandmother. They both loved her dearly, with Culkin’s character being particularly close to her. So, while this film has so many funny lines and situations, the overall plot is deeply sad as these two sort of estranged cousins unite after losing their loved one.
On this tour, the guys take in the sites around Poland, and they’re specifically learning about the Jewish people who lived there around the time of World War II. Obviously, that’s a very heavy and potentially triggering subject, as the tour’s guide points out. However, for the most part, everyone is able to take it all in and appreciate what they’re seeing.
Emotions turn when they go to a concentration camp though. This was particularly evident in how Benji reacted to it. For most of the film, Culkin’s character keeps things light and gets everyone around him to laugh. However, his actions are rooted in grief as he processes the loss of his grandmother and some of the choices he’s made in his life, and it comes to a head at the concentration camp.
Seeing him break down and weep in the place where his grandmother was was profoundly tragic, and when you juxtapose that with the goofiness in the film, it made it so it packed a massive emotional punch all around.
Overall, A Real Pain Feels Like A Bittersweet, Accurate Depiction Of Grief
Now, there’s a reason Culkin won an Emmy for Succession, and Eisenberg got an Oscar nomination for leading The Social Network cast: they’re both ultra-skilled actors who can harness comedy and drama with nuance and skill and mix it in a way that creates a complex and human picture. Their talents combined with Eisenberg’s thoughtful script and direction made A Real Pain a beautiful and emotional whole picture of what it’s like to process loss.
As someone who has lost a grandparent, I could feel exactly what they were feeling. Grief isn’t all just sadness. It’s a long emotional process, as the stages of it show, and while it’s tragic it can also come with silly and loving moments. We process pain in a myriad of ways, by joking, crying, screaming and more, and I loved that A Real Pain gave us all that.
Watching David lament about his cousin, their loss and the pain of feeling like his sadness was “unexceptional,” was so sad, and it’s a wound that will take time to heal. However, this moment of loss also brought him back to his cousin, and they were able to reform a bond and laugh together as they went on this tour.
The same can be said for Benji. He uses humor as a coping mechanism and a way to process what he’s going through. However, buried underneath it all he’s struggling with a darkness that clearly impacts him and those around him.
All of it feels so raw and real because A Real Pain doesn't just focus on one emotion. The light and the dark balance each other perfectly, creating a nuanced and lovely portrait of a family working to honor and grieve their lost loved one and heal. And it’s through Jesse Eisenberg and Kiernan Culkin’s amazing performances that we’re able to feel all of this and more with them.
