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Never let it be said that the only things Wade Wilson is good at doing are slaughtering bad guys and breaking the fourth wall. The wise-cracking mercenary can also come up with some...interesting food preparations. We're still over half a year away from Deadpool 2 putting Ryan Reynolds' Merc with the Mouth back on the big screen, but in the meantime, Wade dropped by Good Housekeeping to provide some of his classic holiday recipes. Full disclosure, we don't recommend serving these to any person from your family, but they're nonetheless hilarious. Starting off, if you happened to miss to cover of the Deadpool Good Housekeeping issue that was posted online yesterday, take a look below.
Who wouldn't want to be served at a family dinner by a man dressed like that? He even brought his sword along for what I presume is to dispatch anyone who tries to sample the food before the big holiday dinner. Anyway, this issue of Good Housekeeping is mostly normal, but the four-page Deadpool-centric spread is anything but, as is immediately obvious when reading Wade Wilson's holiday letter.
Evidently Wade Wilson looks at Good Housekeeping the same way a lot of men look at Playboy, so when the opportunity to arose to contribute to his favorite publication, he jumped at the chance. As he notes, this time of year can be "bewitching" (and those retrospective Christmas cards don't help), but with some of Wade's classic holiday recipes, you might just find yourself cheerier during the yuletide season.
First up, we have Wade Wilson teaching us how to properly carve and distribute the turkey, though it's going to be hard if you don't have a sword like his. But if you do, just follow along with his figure skating and Forrest Gump metaphors and slice that bird up. Just make sure that it's not a zombie and that you ask permission before feeling around to find the keel bone.
Now we've arrived at the recipes that are all kinds of gross. To be fair, there's nothing wrong with the ingredients themselves (that we know of), but imagine serving your grandparents D's Spiced Nuts and Cream Clam Skinny Dip. That probably wouldn't go over well, and if there's one thing Thanksgiving doesn't need, it's more drama. Feel free to read through the preparations for all of Deadpool's best innuendos and puns, and just because these meals aren't fit for a family dinner doesn't mean that you can't prepare them yourself to see how they taste. There's no guarantee, though, that the process will be as sensual as Wade Wilson makes it out to be.