There's a fan theory that British nanny Mary Poppins must've gone to Harry Potter's Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. It makes sense, as much as magical fictional universes ever make sense. So where would the Sorting Hat place Mary Poppins? And what about several other magical characters in pop culture, whether British or not? If they, too, went to Hogwarts, where would they end up -- in Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, or Slytherin? It's all speculation, but here's where I would sort 11 famous wizards, witches, and sorcerers.
Whether played by Julie Andrews in the 1964 classic, or Emily Blunt in the new film Mary Poppins Returns, the umbrella queen is practically perfect in every way. Hogwarts' Ravenclaw House values intelligence, creativity, learning, and wit. Mary Poppins is certainly very witty and creative, and uses both traits in her job as a nanny. Mary Poppins is known for being vain -- and the new movie plays into that vanity, showing Mary checking out her own reflection. But more than anything she's known for being confident, creative, clever, a bit stern, and quite wise. She'd be an asset to Ravenclaw.
Gandalf the Grey (Sir Ian McKellen) was certainly wise, but not considered as wise as Saruman the White. Through his journeys with Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit and Frodo Baggins in The Lord of the Rings, Gandalf proved himself among the bravest characters, always up for even the most dangerous adventure. He even acted as leader long before Aragorn stepped up in LOTR. Gandalf sacrificed himself for the Fellowship -- "fly, you fools" -- never expecting to get a chance to return for more combat. He's a beast. He looks like he'd be a brainy Ravenclaw, but acts like a badass Gryffindor. Get this man a scarlet and gold scarf!
Oh, pity the poor unfortunate souls who struck a deal with Ursula. The Little Mermaid's sea witch used her magic to strike deals with naive hopefuls -- like Ariel -- then tried to sabotage them to make sure she got to win. Classic Slytherin. Harry Potter fans know by now that not all Slytherins are evil, but the House values ambition, cunning, and resourcefulness. Ursula had clear goals, she was very cunning and resourceful about attaining those goals, and she did seem to get her way most of the time. I wouldn't want to share a bunk with her, but she definitely belongs in Slytherin.
Kiernan Shipka's new Sabrina -- in Netflix's Chilling Adventures of Sabrina -- is brave, ambitious, and smart. She could easily fit into any Hogwarts House. But the bulk of her journey early in this series follows her conflict as a half-witch half-human. She doesn't want to sign the Book of the Beast because it's supposed to mean she's leaving her life as a human behind. Sabrina loves her boyfriend and friends too much, and tries to find ways of keeping both worlds. She stands up for progressive causes at her high school, and speaks up to her family of witches, arguing it isn't right to ask her to give up her choices and hand power over to the Dark Lord. Since Hufflepuffs value hard work, patience, justice, and loyalty, Sabrina would probably end up Head Girl.
I think the Sorting Hat would take a while with Stephen Strange -- not that he grew up with magic, so it's not like he would've really gone to school at Hogwarts. I'm fudging a bit there. Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) could easily be a Slytherin, since he was an arrogant surgeon who sought out any kind of power to heal his hands after an accident. Ambition, cunning, resourcefulness? Check. However, he became a brilliant surgeon because he's, well, brilliant. He's also creative, witty, and the guy you turn to for answers on the Infinity War end game. You could make other arguments, but I'm sticking him next to Mary Poppins at the Ravenclaw table. Let them out-sass each other.
Game of Thrones' red priestess is definitely ruthless -- just ask Shireen, if you could -- but she doesn't use her powers for her own gain. It's all out of loyalty to The Lord of Light. Melisandre (Carice van Houten) sometimes misread the signs, as she did when she backed King Stannis Baratheon, but she's fiercely loyal to whoever she thinks is the reincarnation of Azor Ahai. Hufflepuffs value hard work, patience, justice, and loyalty. Melisandre put in a lot of hard work to help Stannis, and even used her powers to revive Jon Snow, seeing something special in him too. After being wrong about Stannis, Mel kept her focus on defeating the White Walkers. She's even the one who suggested Dany and Jon meet, seeing them both as having major roles to play in the fight ahead.
Anakin was "Force-sensitive," which I'm including as magic. Why not? So you could also include Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Anakin's twins, Luke and Leia. The Star Wars prequels followed Anakin's journey from talented, ambitious youth to powerful Darth Vader, seduced by the dark side of The Force. He's a classic Slytherin, but in the way that Severus Snape was a Slytherin. Cunning Anakin was drawn to the dark side, and he did some terrible things throughout the Saga, but his love for power was ultimately not stronger than his love for his son. Slytherins feel and need love too, y'all.
The Vampire Diaries' witch Bonnie (Kat Graham) could definitely fit in Hufflepuff. She had undying loyalty to her friends and family. But I'd put super-empathetic Bonnie in Gryffindor for her habit of self-sacrificing martyrdom. So many times throughout the show, Bonnie used her powers to help others, despite knowing the consequences against herself (like dying, which actually happened to her more than once). She thought it was her duty to protect others. With great power comes great responsibility, etc. Her selfless bravery earns her a place in Gryffindor.
Like most well-written characters, Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Willow (Alyson Hannigan) was multi-faceted. As such, it's hard to peg her down into just one house. She was fiercely loyal, very brave, and had that Dark Willow side to her. But when we first met her, she was a shy nerd who joined the math, science, and computer clubs. Her love for knowledge made her very Hermione-ish, and since Hermione Granger ended up in Gryffindor you could easily argue that Willow belonged there too. (Maybe helping Buffy the way Hermione helped Harry.) But I think Willow would enjoy being surrounded by people who could appreciate and keep up with her intellect.
Colin Morgan's Merlin had his own prophecy going on, and often got crypic advice from The Great Dragon. He had a Harry Potter-ish journey to greatness like that, and like Harry he probably could be in Slytherin if he asked for it. But he's another one who often used his powers to help others, without thinking of the consequences. He was brave and selfless, and I like him for Gryffindor.
I don't care. I'm not putting her in Slytherin. It's too obvious. Besides, she wasn't really that ambitious. She just had a serious case of FOMO when not invited to Princess Aurora's christening. This sorting is for Disney's Sleeping Beauty Maleficent, as opposed to Angelina Jolie's more sympathetic Maleficent. The animated Maleficent was clever, witty, and creative with her curse. She also liked to call everyone but her beloved raven Diablo a "fool." I think she was just hurt and lonely, but also had a superiority complex. Put her on the Ravenclaw bench with Strange and Poppins. They might make a good team.
Obviously this is just one person's sorting opinion, and it only scratches the surface of the magical kingdom. Where would you sort these folks -- and other magical characters, like Fiona and/or Cordelia Goode; Scarlet Witch; Elphaba; the Sanderson Sisters; the Halliwell sisters; Samantha Stevens; Miracle Max; etc.?
Gina grew up in Massachusetts and California in her own version of The Parent Trap. She went to three different middle schools, four high schools, and three universities -- including half a year in Perth, Western Australia. She currently lives in a small town in Maine, the kind Stephen King regularly sets terrible things in, so this may be the last you hear from her.
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