So you want to see how the Xbox One boots up? You want to see a second-by-second play-by-play of the action from one of the hottest items launching this fall? Well, don't sweat it, Elite Pixel Enemy has you covered.

The YouTube media distributor tossed up a quick nine second video of the Xbox One booting up. All that glorious green pouring out of the screen like that bulbous pus that dripped out of that kid's nose in second grade. Same thing, new flavor.

The mucus-colored green oozes bright with a glow that reeks of an infectious nature, like a poison green apple from a garden only a fool would steal from. It doesn't last long before the screen is commandeered with the Xbox One logo just around the three-second mark. From there, it's not but a full figured second later that the Microsoft-branded console's icon is shuttled off to the corner and the ad-drenched dashboard rears its head like a dragon from a cave or, more accurately, a troll from under a bridge.

As you can see, Microsoft's ad-optimized dashboard gives you a perfect view of your games, a top bar of the various topics available for you to utilize on the entertainment console and some television filling up the right side of the tab – television recommendations so you can use your Xbox One to watch TV on your TV.

Beyond that, we can see that on the bottom left tab, beneath the game tab, we can see the NSA's favorite app, Skype, so whenever they need to they can tune in to see who's masturbating in front of their TV... just like in the movie Metropia. There's also some dubstep music there, presumably for brain-dead 14-year-olds who have the unfortunate burden of growing up in an era where there is no good music. We begin to move back closer to the television section, and as such, we see Star Trek: Into Darkness, for people who have a social life but are hip enough to say they watch Star Trek, something no self-respecting adult would admit to back in the 90s. And then finally, it's full-on TV on your TV with Netflix. Enough said.

I think the dashboard's stylishly flat dashboard is a far cry from Apple's skeuomorphic design, which seems to be giving people rich-folk seizures and hyper-inflated hypochondria to flood Apple's forum boards with silly things like becoming nauseous using the dashboard.

Overall, if I had to rate it on a scale from 7 to 10 I would give it a 7. I had to knock off three points since it wasn't the Wii U, PS4 or Steam's Big Picture Mode.

If you're not the kind of fellow who measures his penis by the teraflops of his console then you might be in good hands with the Xbox One, assuming you also don't mind people watching you massage a sock-puppet with your teraflop. Anyway, at least the dashboard looks clean, sleek and modern.

You can look for the Xbox One to launch on November 22nd in only 13 territories. At least they're using China's unluckiest number... what could possibly go wrong?

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