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New Girl: Schmidt's Funniest Moments, Ranked

Schmidt in _New Girl._

Schmidt in New Girl.

New Girl, for the time that it was on TV, created some hysterical moments that for sure should be included on the funniest comedy shows ever, in my opinion. Who knew the story of a school teacher who just got cheated on, moving in with three strangers, would bring such happiness and laughs to millions of viewers? And yet, the cast of New Girl rocked it in their roles and created a wonderful story to re-watch, with plenty of guest appearances to add on.

Every New Girl character is hilarious. However, there's one character that stands above the rest, and that is Schmidt, played by the talented Max Greenfield throughout all seven seasons of the show. From the very first episode all the way to the end, Schmidt provided some of New Girl’s funniest moments, and today, we are going to rank some of the best.

Schmidt before he slaps Spencer in New Girl.

11. When Schmidt Slaps Spencer (Season 1, Episode 2)

This is only one of Schmidt’s earliest moments on New Girl, but still one of his best. When Jess goes over to her ex’s house with her new roommates to try and get her stuff back and Jess is telling him off, her roommates decide to stand up for her as well. Schmidt, wearing the most adorable hat ever, walks up and slaps Spencer across the face, saying “Schmidt happens.”

I’m pretty sure this was the moment we all fell in love with Schmidt, despite his ass-ness sometimes. Even when he barely knows the person, he’ll stand up for what he feels isn’t right.

Schmidt with this shaved eyebrows in New Girl.

10. When Schmidt Shaves His Eyebrows (Season 2, Episode 14)

Schmidt in Season 2 of New Girl is one of my favorite versions of him, but this has to be one of the best moments. When Schmidt found out that people often make fun of his eyebrows when he is not in the room, he ends up shaving off his quote-unquote “caterpillar brows.”

The result is hilarious and creates a great moment between Winston and Schmidt.

Schmidt and his towel in New Girl.

9. When Schmidt Freaks Out About His Towel (Season 1, Episode 11)

Another amazing Season 1 moment in New Girl, while we knew that Schmidt was a neat freak, it wasn’t until now that we knew just how far it went.

For the entirety of this episode, Schmidt spends ages trying to figure out why his personal towel is always damp after his shower, interrogating each of his roommates to see who is the culprit for something like this, finding out that it’s Nick who’s using it, and his horrified face will forever live in my mind and make me chuckle each time.

Schmidt in his bed with Cece in New Girl.

8. When Schmidt Is Startled By A Noise (Season 6, Episode 19)

Schmidt and Cece were couples goals by the end of New Girl, even though it took forever to get there. So, when they move into a new home together after their marriage, they want to settle in quietly for a night.

However, they hear a noise outside, and Schmidt, being the worrywart he is, instantly perks up and says, “What the hell was that? Are you the criminals from the statistics?!”

Every time I watch this scene, I feel myself laugh over and over. It ends up being nothing crazy, but the fact that he got so nervous about just one noise after reading about home invasions from the last year makes me smile.

Schmidt trying to squeeze the conditioner out of Nick's hair in New Girl.

7. When Schmidt Loses His Cool Over Nick Using His Conditioner (Season 1, Episode 7)

Another example in Season 1 in New Girl of Schmidt being an absolute neat freak. In Season 1, Episode 7, both Schmidt and Nick are arguing constantly over money and other issues, and this spills into something Schmidt cannot forgive – Nick using Schmidt’s conditioner.

It sounds so stupid, but the offended look on Schmidt’s face, and when he literally tries to squeeze the conditioner out of Nick’s hair, is the kind of joke that will make any viewer hold their side from laughing so hard. You just can’t make this stuff up.

Schmidt demanding a spider-hunt in New Girl.

6. When Schmidt Is Scared Out Of His Mind Because Of A Spider (Season 4, Episode 17)

Episode 17 of Season 4 of New Girl, titled “Spiderhunt,” follows the entirety of Schmidt’s obsession over witnessing a spider in their apartment and wanting to kill it.

The result is a hilarious episode filled with plenty of gags when he is trying to hunt down this spider, saying it could be anywhere, hanging by its “butt-rope.” I’ve heard of arachnophobia but Schmidt just takes it to a whole new level.

Schmidt trying to be intimidating in New Girl.

5. When Schmidt Tries To Be Intimidating (Season 5, Episode 17)

Okay, let’s be honest – Schmidt, in New Girl, is not the most intimidating person. This is why this scene is so freaking hilarious in Season 5.

Schmidt had been questioning his manhood when he was too scared to protect Cece from a hostile driver, so he, Nick and Winston and some other friends take a road trip for his bachelor party. There, they run into a gang of not-so-nice people, and Schmidt starts to say his name over and over again in a confrontation, trying to be intimidating.

Obviously, it’s not intimidating at all, but more hysterical. Even Nick is so confused at what he is doing, and Nick does a lot of silly things.

Schmidt angry about the break-in in New Girl.

4. When Schmidt Is Fed Up With The Crime System (Season 7, Episode 5)

While Season 7 was more of a wrap-up season for New Girl, finishing up storylines and whatnot, but there were still plenty of funny moments, and this was Schmidt’s best. When Schmidt is trying to find his daughter, Ruth, at school, he runs into a little girl who is playing there.

He asks her if he’s seen her, but responds saying, “A white man broke in today.”

Schmidt responds angrily. “A whi-A white man? No! Well, what did security do about it?!” And when she answers, “Nothing,” he yells, “Typical!” It’s such a small moment in the season, but the idea of Schmidt tackling the crime system in schools while also saying this to a young child is a lot like him, and also hysterical to think about.

Schmidt explaining why he wants to see Nick's penis on New Girl.

3. When Schmidt Admits Wanting To See Nick’s Penis (Season 1, Episode 4)

This whole entire sequence is perfect in New Girl. In Season 1, Schmidt admits that he wants to see Nick’s penis after Winston says he’s seen it plenty of times. When Winston questions why, Schmidt says that he’s Nick’s best friend, and should see it for identification purposes. What if Nick was in a horrible accent and his penis was the only thing left? Then Schmidt wouldn’t be able to identify it.

Winston’s expression afterward says it all. It’s hilarious, tear-inducing comedy and just the beginning of Schmidt’s funny moments in New Girl from the very beginning.

Schmidt and Winston in New Girl when he confronts him about his eyes.

2. When Schmidt Called Out Winston On His Eyes (Season 3, Episode 1)

When Schmidt finds out that Winston might be colorblind in Season 3 of New Girl, Winston denies it, asking Jess and Nick if his shoes are brown. When they answer that they are green, he thinks they’re crazy. Schmidt responds, “Winston, if you think those shoes are brown, what color do you think you are?!”

Again, Winston’s face makes the scene, a look of horror and confusion, all because of Schmidt’s funny question. It’s a genuine thing to ponder, even if it’s super funny as well.

The legendary Douchebag Jar on New Girl.

1. When Schmidt Places Money In The Douchebag Jar (Various)

I mean, we can’t have a Schmidt list without using the douchebag jar. For seasons upon season, whenever Schmidt acted like a douchebag, whether that be talking about his money or saying misogynistic things, he is forced to put money in the loft’s Douchebag Jar, and each moment is hysterical and rightly earned.

Although my favorite is when we saw in the first episode Schmidt says he’s going to marry Cece, and he puts money in the jar. But seasons later when he is proposing to her, he uses the same words to her, holding up five dollars (the same amount he put in the jar that first night) to propose to her, saying “Girl, will you marry me?” It’s a sweet and funny callback and perfectly rounds out his character.

While New Girl won’t be appearing on any 2021 TV schedule, we can still enjoy it as one of the best series on Netflix to watch right now. Which Schmidt moment is your favorite? I know I’ll forever miss my clean-freak loft mate. Now, all we need is Max Greenfield to show up on Zooey Deschanel's new TikTok page.

Alexandra Ramos

Big nerd and lover of Game of Thrones/A Song of Ice and Fire. Will forever hate season eight. Superhero and horror geek. And please don't debate me on The Last of Us 2, it was amazing!