Warning: spoilers ahead for the Season 9 premiere of Bachelor in Paradise.
Bachelor in Paradise has returned for a ninth season of fun, sun, sweat, and melodrama on a beach full of Bachelor and Bachelorette alums. Somewhat hilariously airing after the extremely wholesome Golden Bachelor, the first episode of Paradise in 2023 wasted no time in pairing couples up from the Season 9 cast, with eleven women vying for roses from seven men. The stakes were high... I think, anyway! I used to be a fan of the wild dating show, but I've fallen out of Bachelor Nation in recent years.
But in light of a shortage of scripted options in the 2023 TV schedule, I've decided to give Bachelor in Paradise Season 9 a shot. The premiere was the first episode I've watched to cover since back in 2021 when Demi Burnett was on the beach, with the last full season I watched airing back in 2019. Since I haven't been watching Bachelor Nation aside from the occasional random episode here and there, the only people I recognized in the first episode of Season 9 were Jesse Palmer and Wells Adams.
So, with little to go on other than the occasional clips from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, the gossip from the singles, their actions in the two-hour premiere, and my efforts to figure out which blonde was which, here are my takeaways from jumping back into the deep end of Bachelor in Paradise. I may already be rooting for the wrong people, but I think I might have fun with it!
What Happened In The Season 9 Premiere
I went into the Season 9 premiere almost entirely blind, except for seeing the preview that had released earlier this year, which didn't even give away much when I didn't recognize almost everybody in it. It was clear early on that I'd missed some drama on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, because Brooklyn Willie clearly had her issues with Kat Izzo, and Aaron Bryant and Sean McLaughlin from Charity Lawson's season of The Bachelorette weren't exactly thrilled to see Brayden Bowers. But it seemed that the slates were wiped semi-clean for Paradise, and new couples formed!
The big drama was a very early love triangle after Will Urena kissed Olivia Lewis following some flirting about toe-sucking, because of course that would happen in my first episode back to Bachelor in Paradise. But Will had his eye on Kylee Russell, and happily went on the date with her, leaving Olivia fuming. For her part, Kylee had been hoping for Aven Jones to show up, leading an embittered Olivia to declare that she wanted Aven to show up so she could swoop in...
And that's evidently what's about to happen, because of course Paradise saved Aven's arrival until after Kylee had guaranteed Will had stronger feelings for her than anybody else. The drama in this love triangle-turned-love square was pretty fun, if a little speedy for my taste, but a few moments made me more invested in another couple: Kat and Brayden.
Who I'm Rooting For
Look, I know that the Bachelorette and Bachelor footage on top of the gossip about Kat and Brayden shouldn't have left me rooting for more of their story over the love triangle, but I can't help it. Their dynamic is missing the obvious drama of the love triangle while also being just messy enough that I got a kick out of watching them bond.
And Kat really gets the credit for it. Their interactions on the beach bed were awkward and weird enough that I had to laugh, especially when he flirtatiously asked about her favorite color after complimenting how she looks in green, only for her to confess her love for beige. I thought she seemed a little uninvested in the conversation at first, before she dropped this line:
When I first saw you, I was like, 'Oh, the earrings, I love them!' And everyone's like, 'Really?' And I was like, 'Yes! I do.'
Either Kat sneakily found a way to compliment him while also planting the seeds that none of the other women appreciated his style so that she would secure his rose, or she accidentally dropped a comment that seemed to both poke at and smooth over an insecurity. Either way, I want to see more of that girl! If she really did deliberately plant the idea in his head that everybody except for her hates his style, then she is a wild card whose potential hijinks could be way more interesting than that love triangle.
So, sorry to Olivia/Will/Kylee/Aven and all the others who have already made some love connections. Right or wrong, I think I'm rooting for Kat and Brayden to get more screentime. I know for sure I want to heard Kat say "scanadians" instead of "cicadas" again!
My Main Issues So Far
The blondes need name tags. I'm sure that longtime fans of Bachelor Nation had no trouble telling the blonde women apart, but I was struggling for more of the two-hour premiere that I'd care to admit. Beautiful blondes with long hair and bikinis who I'd never seen before?! Name tags would have helped... or at least Bachelor in Paradise giving them a chyron to identify them every time they were on screen. Or color coding their bathing suits. Something!
Too much drama for Day 1. I don't have to be a religious viewer of Bachelor in Paradise year in and year out to know that drama starts early and dating happens quickly when roses are on the line. Still, hearing the Kylee/Will/Olivia situation described as a love triangle after a grand total of one day was a bit much for my taste. In fact, the drama beginning so quickly for those three is probably why I'm rooting for others in Season 9 at this point.
How long Kylee took to choose for her date. Call me crazy, but was it not daylight when Kylee went off to try and decide who to take on the date after she got the date card, and then well into night when she came back and asked Will? How late was their dinner? What was happening the whole time she was gone? These are the questions I'm asking, and that's presumably not what Paradise was going for.
My Most Memorable Moments So Far
When I realized that there was a Kat and a Cat on the beach, and both were blonde. I'm not saying that all the blondes were identical, but I will say that I initially considered that Bachelor in Paradise may have made a typo with its own chyrons with "Kat" and "Cat." They are, in fact, not the same person. Couldn't they be Kat I. and Cat W., like Aaron B. and Aaron S.?!
Hearing Sean's creative use of language. I was already invested in hearing more of Sean after he said that Mercedes "encaptivates" him early on, and he didn't disappoint by the end when he hyped his "comfortability" with former Bachelorette Rachel Recchia. Was he doing this deliberately? I doubt it. Does that make it funnier? It sure does.
Jesse Palmer roasting Blake for dating Bachelorettes. I didn't need all the context of Bachelor Nation history to get a kick out of watching the host crack jokes about Blake dating Bachelorette after Bachelorette after Bachelorette... especially knowing that Rachel was on the beach and more Bachelorettes are coming.
Wells bonding with Olivia at the bar and then roasting her. Wells truly does seem to be the consummate bartender, as he was very supportive of Olivia when it came to Will ditching her for the date with Kylee. His complete change of tone during his confessional about the "toe sucking" conversation might have been my biggest laugh of the premiere
The chyron jokes. The jokes in the chyrons during the singles' confessionals were a trend that I'd forgotten from back when I watched Paradise regularly, but they were back in fine form in the premiere. Will getting "Amenable to Toe Sucking, Blake getting "Only Dates Bachelorettes," and Brayden getting "Lord of the Earrings" were my favorites.
Will I change my mind about Kat/Brayden as soon as next week, and go all-in on the love triangle/love square? I've been away from Bachelor Nation in any significant way long enough that I don't want to commit too hard just yet, and I'm not dipping into spoilers about which Season 9 couples get engaged... although I may rewatch the Season 9 premiere via my Hulu subscription. New episodes of Bachelor in Paradise air on Thursdays at 9 p.m. ET on ABC.
