While Deadpool fans would love to forever forget Ryan Reynolds’ big screen debut as the character in X-Men Origins: Wolverine, the truth is that the Canadian star has more than redeemed himself by turning the character into an A-list comic book hero (or, more accurately, “hero”). The mutant mercenary’s power is the ability to heal from any disease or injury, but what has made Deadpool a beloved superstar is the same thing that earns him the nickname The Merc With The Mouth: he never stops talking, and he’s hilarious.
With their work on Deadpool and Deadpool 2, Ryan Reynolds and screenwriters/producers Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick have arguably earned eponymous assassin the title of “Funniest Super Hero,” as the movies are filled with lines that inspire laughs regardless of your rewatch count. It’s to celebrate the best examples of Deadpool’s twisted, messed up, dark sense of humor that we’ve put together this feature, collecting the character’s 30 best lines from his two blockbusters.
"Bad Deadpool... Good Deadpool!"
Possessing only 12 bullets to take down a cadre of armed bad guys, managing to waste a few on a slippery motorcyclist is certainly not Deadpool's best moment in the movie, but the good news is that he makes up for that mistake fairly quickly with two deadly headshots.
It can't be explained why feeling up Colossus' chrome crotch makes Deadpool think of his father (and I don't ever want to know), but it certainly does make for an amazing start for the two characters' confrontation.
"If I ever decide to become a crime-fighting shit swizzler, who rooms with a bunch of other little whiners at Neverland Mansion with some creepy, old, bald, Heaven's Gate-looking motherfucker... on that day, I'll send your shiny, happy ass a friend request."
There are many epic, insult-filled rants on which Deadpool finds himself going in the movie, but the Merc With The Mouth's comparison between Professor X and Marshall Applewhite make this the best one in the movie.
"All the dinosaurs feared the T-Rex."
"McAvoy or Stewart? These timelines are confusing."
Given the way it completely ignores the way certain characters were developed in previous X-Men movies, it's only fitting that Deadpool would contain a perfect line about timeline generated-confusion.
"Ever see 127 Hours?"
Because of his healing powers and general insanity, nobody in the Marvel Universe fights quite like Deadpool. So what does he do when he gets manacled to an X-Man trying to take him in? Of course he saws off his hand and leaves it flipping the bird.
"I want to die a natural death at the age of 102 - like the city of Detroit."
One can imagine fans up in Michigan taking a bit of issue with this particular line of dialogue, but that doesn't stop it from being a really great line. Plus, Deadpool is notably Canadian, so does seem right to have him take some pot shots at one of America's less put together cities.
"Please don't make the super suit green... or animated!"
Green Lantern gets a quick shout out in the Deadpool's opening sequence, but it feels like it's when entering The Workshop that Ryan Reynolds is legitimately able to air his grievances about his experience making live-action DC Comics movies. We're still trying wondering who thought it was a good idea to give the character a CGI costume.
"Fourth wall break inside of a fourth wall break? That's like... 16 walls!"
This line just got me thinking: exactly how deep can you take these fourth-wall breaks? Perhaps Deadpool 2 will be an Inception-esque investigation into exactly how far it can be taken.
"You're about to be killed by a Zamboni."
Admittedly this one is on the same glorious level as "Tell me where your boss is or you're going to die... in five minutes," so just take your pick from this particularly fantastic sequence.
"I bet it feels huge in this hand."
There are a good number of silly-but-great masturbation jokes in Deadpool, but this one takes the top spot if not just for the way Wade uses his baby hand to play with Blind Al's chin.
"Listen Al, if I never see you again, I want you to know that I love you very much. I also buried 1,600 kilos of cocaine somewhere in the apartment – right next to the cure for blindness. Good luck."
Given that she is technically his permanent hostage, the relationship between Deadpool and Blind Al is a fascinating one, and their bizarre dynamic is perfectly summed up in their last interaction in the film.
"It's a big house. It's weird I only ever see two of you. Almost like the studio couldn't afford another X-Man."
It's kind of a shame that Deadpool is the film that breaks the X-Men franchise streak of having Wolverine in every feature, but the fact that it means we get this hilarious line kind of makes it worth it.
"You were droning on!"
Colossus deserves a lot of credit for his patience. Most characters think of Deadpool as a lost cause, but he still believes Wade Wilson can be a real hero. Unfortunately for him, DP keeps proving just how wrong Colossus really is.
"You're still here? It's over. Go home! Oh, you're expecting a teaser for Deadpool 2. Well, we don't have that kind of money. What are you expecting? Sam Jackson showing up in an eyepatch and a saucy little leather number? Go!"
Taking a shot at Marvel Studios while also perfectly recreating one of the best moments from one of the best fourth wall-breaking films of all time? Quite the perfect send-off for the first Deadpool movie.
"Passion of the Christ, then me – at least domestically. We beat them overseas, where there's no such thing as religion."
It’s only appropriate that Deadpool would make a fourth-wall-breaking comment about the box office success of his first movie, but the cherry on the sundae is comparing himself to Jesus (and it’s fitting that he later refers to himself as a god twice in the film).
"What am I supposed to do around here anyway? Sit in a share circle, talk about my feelings? And how would I do that, exactly, cause… where the fuck is everyone? It’s always just you and Negasonic Teenage Longest Name Ever."
It feels like it’s just not a Deadpool movie without a shout-out to the fact that barely any other mutants are seen around the X-Mansion. Of course, the great stinger to this bit is that the members of the X-Men are actively hiding from Wade.
"Oh, shit! That fucking does it. Put your hands on your knees and get down on your head now!"
This is Deadpool’s reaction to Firefist blasting Colossus, and while it’s a line that you may not properly register when you first watch the movie, it’s wonderful chuckle on rewatch. Obviously it’s a play on the standard police request to “put your hands on your head and get down on your knees,” but the image of anyone attempting Wade’s suggestion is delightful.
"You know something? A wise bully once said to me, ‘Speak up. I can’t hear you with that pity dick in your mouth.’"
“Speak up. I can’t hear you with that pity dick in your mouth” is a terrific line as delivered by Leslie Uggams’ Blind Al early in Deadpool 2, but the Merc With The Mouth’s decision to pass it off as sage wisdom to the enraged Firefirst turns out to be a massive mistake.
"I can’t protect you. With this collar on, my superpower is just unbridled cancer. Give me a bow and arrow and I'm basically Hawkeye."
There are a number of potshots taken at various superheroes in Deadpool 2, but this is most definitely a favorite. Hawkeye is kind of an easy target (no pun intended), but Wade is still able to strike with an effective zinger.
"And I'd like the McRib to be available year round, but sometimes dreams don't come true! I spent 10 years in Special Forces! You think we didn't jump out of the plane because of a light breeze? YOU'RE IN THIS SHIT NOW, MUSTACHE! [whispering] I’m only yelling to impress the other guys; I’d never let anything happen to you, sugar bear."
Deadpool is a sociopathic murderer with a moral code all his own, but there is no denying that he has a soft spot. Obviously he loves Vanessa, but he also has room in his heart for Dopinder and Blind Al, and in Deadpool 2, it’s Peter who, unlike all of the other X-Force members, earns DP’s affection.
"Seriously, I don't get it! What, you shoot luck lasers out your eyes? It's just, it’s hard to picture, and certainly not very cinematic. I mean, luck? What coked-out, glass pipe-sucking freakshow comic book artist came up with that little chestnut? Probably a guy who can't draw feet!"
One could say is that the ultimate breaking of the fourth wall is a character viciously roasting their creator, which is exactly what Deadpool is doing here. It’s aimed as a shot at the co-creator of Domino, but the comical ricochet is that Deadpool was imagined by the same artist: Rob Liefeld.
"You killed Black Tom, you racist son of a bitch!"
The running joke about Black Tom Cassidy’s name makes for a number of great lines (such as his superpower being cultural appropriation), but the best bit is the last one, as Deadpool laments his murder with a weird level of earnestness and further adds to the confusion about Tom’s race.
"Well, as Scoutmaster Kevin used to say... ‘There's a first time for everything, son.’ Give me your best shot, One-Eyed Willy."
This quote is a winner because it’s a two-fer. At the start, you get a tremendously dark joke that is intended to put Cable off his game, but then Deadpool sucker-punches with an out-of-left-field reference to Josh Brolin’s past in The Goonies.
"Oh my God! Juggernaut! I thought that was you! I should've worn my white pants."
Sequels to comedies can sometimes fall into a trap delivering the same jokes as their predecessor with slightly different angles, but I would call this an exception to what is generally an unfunny practice. While not highlighted above, the gag about “brown pants” in Deadpool is hysterical, and DP’s reaction to seeing Juggernaut serves as a terrific callback that is its own kind of gross.
"What's Juggernaut got that I don't have? Don't you say legs! I know you're gonna say legs!"
Of course, Firefist says legs. And as Deadpool responds, “It still hurts to hear out loud.”
"No, I'm sorry that you said that while making heavy eye contact and applying lip balm."
It is certainly quite a choice for Cable to reach into his fanny pack for some ChapStick before remarking that Deadpool reminds him of his wife… and Deadpool’s clinical observation of that fact gets a big laugh every time.
"And that is just the first five steps to a prostate-assisted orgasm."
The journey that Deadpool, Domino, Cable and Dopinder take to the X-Mansion is filled with ridiculous and wonderful banter, but it’s the line that opens the scene that my mind obsesses over. I want to know how the conversation came up and how Wade was actually able to get through five steps… but I also very much don’t want to know the answer to those questions.
"I made mistakes! I wanna take them back! You trusted me. I took that trust... and turned it into a glory hole in an airport bathroom. The one in Minneapolis. You know the one."
The charm of Deadpool is the fact that he just can’t help himself (again, the dude is totally nutter-butters). Even when he is being heartfelt and sincere, he can’t hold himself back from making some kind of disgusting, X-rated aside. It’s a big part of what makes him so loveable, violently insane as he may be.
"Can you see it? Do you see that beautiful bright light? There it is. [pause] Oh, that's the sun. Don't stare directly into that."
Deadpool’s multiple “deaths” at the end of the movie don’t have quite the comedic impact when you know he’s not actually dead and going to reanimate for some additional comments, but this line is my favorite of his many, many goodbyes.
Deadpool and Deadpool 2 are both extremely accessible online – most easily if you have a Disney+ subscription and/or a Hulu subscription. Stay tuned here on CinemaBlend for more news about Deadpool 3, which will be in theaters everywhere on July 26.
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Eric Eisenberg is the Assistant Managing Editor at CinemaBlend. After graduating Boston University and earning a bachelor’s degree in journalism, he took a part-time job as a staff writer for CinemaBlend, and after six months was offered the opportunity to move to Los Angeles and take on a newly created West Coast Editor position. Over a decade later, he's continuing to advance his interests and expertise. In addition to conducting filmmaker interviews and contributing to the news and feature content of the site, Eric also oversees the Movie Reviews section, writes the the weekend box office report (published Sundays), and is the site's resident Stephen King expert. He has two King-related columns.