Banderas Beats Up Aztecs

With that accent, it was only a matter of time before Antonio Banderas ended up as a sexy Spanish conqueror. He’s signed to play Hernan Cortes, the Conquistador who beat the hell out of the Aztecs in order to steal their gold.

According to The Hollywood Reporter, the film is called Conquistador and it follows Cortes on his journey from Cuba to what is now Mexico in 1518. There he meets the great Aztec ruler Montezuma and hits his people with some genocide. Today, Montezuma’s ghost haunts the Mexican water supply and gets his revenge by afflicting tourists with brutal diarrhea.

The film is being directed by Brazilian Andrucha Waddington from a script by Nicholas Kazan. Kazan is probably best known as the screenwriter of the sappy Robin Williams movie Bicentennial Man, but he’s also written a lot of other really bad, mostly unknown stuff. The movie will be shot entirely in Spanish, except for the parts that aren’t. Following in the footsteps of crazy Mel Gibson, those will be filmed in the native languages of Mayan and Nahuatl. Americans: get ready for some reading.

Conquistador will film on location in Spain, Mexico, and South America. So look for Antonio Banderas on a southbound flight some time around September when they’re supposed to start shooting. Until then, Antonio will be busy hacking up hair balls to record the voice of Puss in Boots for Shrek the Third and possibly a Puss in Boots spinoff movie as well. He’s just finished working on the movie Bordertown with Jennifer Lopez and next weekend you can the former Gay Blade dancing around with inner city kids in Take the Lead.

Josh Tyler