Theme parks are places where some of our favorite movies come to life so we can experience them in ways that we just can’t in a movie theater. Disneyland and Walt Disney World bring all our favorite Disney characters to life, and you enter the worlds of Harry Potter, Jurassic Park and Fast & Furious at Universal Studios. But there is one man whose film output has gone almost entirely ignored in theme parks: Tom Cruise.
The fact that we don’t have more theme park rides based on Tom Cruise movies is sort of insane. So many of his movies would make for great attractions. In fact, there are so many that you could honestly build an entire Tom Cruise theme park. And so that’s what we’re going to do here. Here’s our breakdown of what a Tom Cruise theme park should look like.
To be clear, we're not going to build an entire theme park here. Instead, we'll focus on those key, E-ticket attractions that the park will need, along with a few of the ancillary necessities, like shows and places to eat.
Tom Cruise’s Fantasyland
As with any good theme park, we’re going to break it down into a few different lands. In this case, we’re going to use film genres as the primary criteria for what belongs in each land. To start, we have rides based on Cruise’s most fantastical movies.
Legend - Journey Into Darkness
The most traditional theme park attraction is the dark ride; a ride vehicle on a set course takes you through a collection of scenes that tell a story. While Legend isn’t exactly one of Tom Cruise’s most popular films, it is a cult classic and it exists in one of the most beautifully created worlds of any Cruise movie. The dark ride would start with the beautiful fields showing unicorns and other fantasy creatures before taking you to the castle of Darkness, which would be an incredible animatronic to see in action.
Interview with a Vampire - Flight Over New Orleans
Our Tom Cruise theme park won’t have a New Orleans Square like Disneyland, but we can give it a bit of Big Easy flair by recreating New Orleans in an attraction. The city is a key location in Interview with a Vampire, and an attraction could give us a vampire’s perspective as he travels the city at night. This could be a simple suspended dark ride, i.e. something like a very mature Peter Pan’s Flight, or even a larger scale experience, along the lines of Soarin’.
Eyes Wide Shut - Fidelio
This one won’t be quite as wild as you think, but it is a very different sort of fantasy. Fidelio will actually be the theme park’s “exclusive” (and by exclusive, we just mean you’ll need reservations) supper club. This is for guests who want to spend money on a high-end dining experience. It will be done up in the style of the famous Eyes Wide Shut mansion, but it’s just dinner.. or maybe not. Anything more is your own business.
AdrenaLand
Tom Cruise is an action movie king, so obviously there are going to need to be some exciting thrill rides connected to Cruise’s biggest action movies. Honestly, the most difficult question here is where to stop.
Top Gun - Maverick’s F-18 Coaster
Quite possibly the single most obvious, and necessary, addition to any Tom Cruise theme park would have to be a Top Gun roller coaster. In point of fact, these have existed in the past. Both California’s Great America and King’s Island previously had licensed Top Gun coasters, and the coasters still exist, though the names have changed. Rather than simply doing an inverted coaster like those, we can do this one as two-car single-seat vehicles, mimicking the cockpit of a jet. And of course, it needs to go fast and include every manner of loop and spin imaginable.
Mission Impossible - Burj Khalifa Tower Drop
There are so many great stunts from the Mission: Impossible franchise that we could try to turn into theme park attractions that picking one is almost impossible. Having said that, the most iconic has to be the Burj Khalifa climb, and descent, from Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol. And since we could easily turn an idea like that into a Tower of Terror-style drop ride, and our park should have one of those, it’s perfect.
Days Of Thunder - Cole Trickle Racing School
We have fast jets with a Top Gun ride, now we need fast cars. This could be done with another roller coaster, but we have a precedent for high-speed ground vehicle attractions with rides like Epcot’s Test Track. However, this Days of Thunder ride would need to include more, and longer, high-speed sections, with slowdowns only when the ride vehicle makes pit stops. Screens and projections with animatronics can even make it look like your car’s tires are being replaced.
Mission: Impossible - This Message Will Self Destruct
Mission: Impossible is a film series showing Tom Cruise doing wild stunts, but it’s also about spy craft, and that makes it perfect for an escape room style experience. With Universal Orlando Resort now in the escape room business, this is clearly something that can work in a theme park environment, so we’re adding a second attraction based on this franchise. It’s certainly big enough for it.
The Hard Deck
In addition to rides, we need food and drink, so near the Top Gun roller coaster, we’ll also have The Hard Deck, the park’s re-creation of the bar run by Jennifer Connelly’s character in Top Gun: Maverick. Standard burgers and brews sort of place with dishes we could name after the callsigns of the characters from both movies in the franchise.
Welcome To Oblivion
Our third main land of the Tom Cruise Theme Park will be dedicated specifically to his science fiction movies. There are some great ones to choose from, and with plans still in place for Cruise to make a movie in actual space, there are possibilities for that to be our first park expansion.
War of the Worlds - Invasion Evacuation
Steven Spielberg’s War of the Worlds feels like a forgotten film for both the director and Cruise. However, the Tom Cruise theme park has not forgotten it. We see this one as an Indiana Jones Adventure-style attraction, where a ride vehicle that looks like a standard car is attempting to escape from Martian walkers firing down upon it. A combination of animatronics and screens makes it seem like aliens are everywhere while the vehicle speeds, stops and swerves to avoid other cars, alien blasts and other catastrophes.
Edge of Tomorrow - Live. Die. Ride.
One roller coaster isn’t enough, so our second big coaster will be here. This one takes its cues from Epcot’s Guardians of the Galaxy: Cosmic Rewind, as it will combine an indoor coaster with video screens that tell a story all around you. Guests are using alien technology to time travel, but then they get stuck and must follow the correct path of events to find a way out.
Highway to the Danger Zone
Our final stop in Tom Cruise Land will also be our first stop, as this will be the theme park entrance and exit area. Like Main Street U.S.A., this area won’t have any rides, but it will include some nice places to eat as well as a large space for shows and other activities.
Tropic Thunder - Les Grossman Dance Party
It’s become something of a joke among Walt Disney World fans that if a park ends up with an empty space that nobody is quite sure what to do with, they’ll put a dance party there. But dance parties can be fun, so we’re putting a dance party in. In the evenings, music will play, hosted by Les Grossman, who acts as DJ and dances along on the stage.
Rock of Ages Revue
If dancing isn’t quite your thing, but you like music, then during the day, the same stage will host regular performances of the Rock of Ages Revue. Live bands play covers of popular music, the sort that anybody will be able to sing along with.
The Color of Money - Vince’s Lounge
Our most casual place to grab a bite to eat in the Tom Cruise park looks like an old, and very well-loved, pool hall. Grab a drink or a quick bite to eat at the bar, and if a table is free, grab a cue and shoot some pool. Everybody’s doin’ it, "Werewolves of London" plays every hour on the hour.
Cocktail - Flanagan's Cocktails and Dreams
While most dining locations in Tom Cruise land serve alcohol, if you want to go to a bar that is an attraction all its own, then you want to visit Flanagan's Cocktails and Dreams, the bar owned by Tom Cruise’s character at the end of Cocktail. This is where the party is. The bartenders make great drinks and they do it with style.
A Few Good Men - A Few Good Shops
Finally, before you leave the Tom Cruise theme park, you’ll want to grab a souvenir. Gift shops are located throughout the park, but at A Few Good Shops, you’ll find a wide variety of Tom Cruise merch.
What do you think? Would you like to visit the Tom Cruise theme park? We certainly didn’t cover all the Tom Cruise movies that could inspire attractions, but that just means there’s room for expansion.
