I Just Watched The Map That Leads To You, And No Movie Has Made My Millennial Tuchus Feel Older

I’m a millennial in my thirties, and I recently started experiencing that phenomenon that comes when people have stopped telling me I am young and have started telling me I look good for “my age.” So, I've had some sense that time has passed, but nothing convinced me of this phenomenon more than my recent viewing of The Map That Leads To You with Outer Banks star Madelyn Cline and Riverdale’s KJ Apa starring. Honestly, this 2025 movie release made me feel older than I have ever felt in my entire life.

I was really excited for The Map Of Things That Lead To You after the trailer. However, from start to finish, the movie featured questionable decision after questionable decision from our young heroine Heather (Cline). I found myself internally screaming as I watched this movie with my Amazon Prime Video subscription, and I just cannot get past some of these choices. I’m starting to feel like that old lady who sits on her front porch and shakes her cane at the neighborhood miscreants, but I have to throw some advice out to Heather and co, and anyone looking for a similar "adventure."

Advice No. 1: Don’t Hang Out With Random Boys In Euro Clubs

First off, it goes without saying that hanging out with boys you’ve just met at clubs and then separating from your travel companions to go hook up elsewhere is not the soundest of ideas. I get that it’s easier to fall into strange situations when you are young, and I get that young people are prone to riskier behavior. However, if they were going to go to the club, the girls should not have separated from one another, in a foreign country with no meet-up plan, early on in The Map That Leads To You. I feel like such a judgy mom saying this, but what positive outcome did any of the girls expect from this?

In fact, obviously, this plot didn’t work out for Hannah’s pal Amy, whose passport and money literally got stolen by this boy Victor she met on the train and then hooked up with at the club. Poor decisions, girls.

Advice No. 2: You Are Not Playing Robin Hood If You Steal From A Thief

I had a lot of trouble getting on board with the characters and their behavior in The Map That Leads To You, but the most morally unsettling thing I could not get past happened when Jake, Rafe and the girls tracked down the guy who stole Amy’s stuff. That part could have ended poorly had Victor been dangerous, but since he was just a petty thief, it ended OK. What happened next was galling, though.

Jake decided to take the cash Victor had stolen from other poor, unsuspecting victims and spend it on a leisure day with the group. Jake asked the girls if they wanted to “go on a little adventure,” and Rafe maintained, “two wrongs make a right.” Heather seemed actually uncomfortable with the idea of stealing stolen money, but everyone else just sort of went for it, and they used stolen money to take a side trip.

I feel like the right thing to do after Amy’s stuff had been stolen and they found a bunch of other stolen stuff would have been to alert Victor’s thievery to the police, but I guess they couldn’t be bothered with this in the middle of their vacations. Doing the right thing isn’t always the most fun result, but this subplot was so disappointing.

Advice No. 3: It Is Not A Good Longterm Plan To Quit Your Job And Chase A Boy Around In Europe

Being in your twenties is stressful, but it can also be a lot of fun, and it is a time when the stakes are lower and a person can choose to take more risks. (Like dating Pete Davidson.) I totally get Heather wanting to go on a trip before buckling down with her first adult job. I’m not sure I could have fallen in love with someone new in like a week, but Jake wanting to come back with her to New York, given his flexible schedule, actually did feel like a sweet way to see if the relationship could work. (More on that later).

However, for a time, it seemed as if Heather was going to throw her career away, and eventually she did, heading back to Europe to chase after Jake. The moral this movie seems to want to impart is that you have time to chase dreams in your twenties, but in real life, that’s a very privileged position to be able to take, and it might come with the sacrifice of setting yourself up for retirement later. I just kept wanting to scream at the screen, ‘This boy is not worth sacrificing getting a head start on your 401K!’

Yeah, I get it. I'm old.

Advice No. 4: If A Boy Ghosts You At An Airport, Don’t Chase After Him

Which brings me to my final point. Jake got some bad news at the airport with Heather, and then he just straight-up ghosted her and their newly formed group of friends. Then, Heather got sad, but then had the brilliant idea to track him back down in Europe. The movie ended with her making her case for why they should get back together. Yes, this is after he pulled a disappearing act and left her panicking in an airport.

Girl, no. This dude ghosted you. I get he’s sad about his cancer diagnosis, and he’s allowed to be sad. What he shouldn’t do is ghost you in an airport and block your number forever. There is nothing romantic or salvageable about this.

I realize I only have the perspective I have because I learned lessons like these at one point or another in my youth, but I do feel like the foundations of this romance are shaky at best. In the end, The Map That Leads To You did give Jake and Heather a happy ending… of sorts. Notwithstanding Jake’s diagnosis, I just don’t see this relationship having a future, and I would probably not recommend this as one of Amazon's best movies.