12/24 – 1/2 New movies come out each weekend; many of them are not worth your time. Many of them are. So make a stop here before heading out to the theater to figure out which newly released movie about fat kids from the seventies you’ll be avoiding spending your money and possibly valuable present opening time on. There’s a flood of extremely limited releases like Hotel Rwanda, The Woodsman, and A Very Long Engagement opening on one or two theaters in New York and LA over the holidays, but with so many wider, accessible releases available I’ll be ignoring them. Instead, I’m focusing on the new releases that most of you could realistically see if you wanted to. Only one of them is worth your time.
Darkness (opens 12/25)
Not to be confused with the cross-dressing rock band, this is a movie starring Anna Paquin, presumably in the dark. It’s been released on the international scene for a couple of years and is only now making it over here. Good or not, I think Christmas is a terrible place to release a horror movie. This is the time of the year when we should be celebrating the birth of that guy that is a savior to some of you. Or, barring that, celebrate the joy of greedily hoarding presents you did not earn except by the fact of your mere existence. I guess they’re going for counter-programming. If so, they might want to let people know what the movie is about. If there have been ads for it, I sure don’t remember them. What movie are we talking about again?
Fat Albert (opens 12/25)
The sad thing here is that Fat Albert was pretty great in its day. So was Bill Cosby, assuming any of you are smart enough to know him for more than just “The Cosby Show” or Leonard Part VI. The time for a Fat Albert movie was many decades ago. Now making one means that they’ve had to make him the world’s fattest skateboarder… because that’s all it takes to be cool… being stupid enough to fling yourself about on a wheeled log. Also included in this film is a good bit of Fat Albert rapping and yes, Fat Albert line dancing. Even the Achey Breaky is more relevant than his worn out “Hey hey hey”. Fat Albert does however bear a strong resemblance to Santa Claus, so maybe that makes this the most Christmas oriented release of the weekend. Don’t let that lure you into seeing it.
The Phantom of the Opera
The music is still good, no matter how bad the people Joel Schumacher hired are at singing it. Like anyone who isn’t some sort of Broadway snob, I love the original stage play and especially the cast recordings when played at extremely high volume. Schumacher’s version has adequately captured the look of the Phantom’s world, but none of the emotion or tone. Emmy Rossum is a capable singer, but both of Phantom’s two male leads are horrible, not just as singers but as actors. If he was going to cast people who can’t sing, you’d think Schumacher would at least try to cast people who can act. He didn’t, and while the movie remains enjoyable simply because it is Phantom, for the most part it falls flat. Couldn’t they have at least gotten the Phantom a decent mask? It’s only being released in 600 theaters, so it’ll be easy to skip it.
Meet the Fockers
Gaylord Focker returns, complete with a 2 hour replay of tired jokes about his name in a movie that proves surprisingly funny. The concept sounds a lot like “Dharma and Greg”, and is except Fockers has the advantage of having decent writers. It also doesn’t hurt to be rid of Jenna Elfman. When the Focker family and the Burns family meet for the first time, it’s Dustin Hoffman, not Robert De Niro who steals the show in the sequel. The addition of Streisand and Hoffman to the cast keeps this from just being a repeat of all the same jokes from the first film, Focker name gags excepted. It’s as funny as the first one, so if you liked that one you’ll probably find something enjoyable in this. It’ll easily be the number one movie over the holidays, but in a weekend with so many great releases, why settle for just a “nice” flick?
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (expands 12/25)
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou is Wes Anderson’s worst movie since Bottle Rocket. But then his other two movies are absolute masterpieces, so that’s not really much of a criticism. Bill Murray won’t be winning awards nominations for his part as Captain Zissou, but he’s back in unforgivable bastard mode, and shines in it. The film isn’t exactly a comedy, or a drama, or a fantasy, but an odd, quirky combination of all three. It only lacks some of the emotional connection of Anderson’s other films, but is still chock full of just as much creativity and subtle humor. The film has been playing in one or two theaters on the east and west coasts, but this weekend it expands for the first time into over a thousand theaters. It’s an addictive viewing experience that in any other week I’d be pushing as a must see. But even the greatness of Wes Anderson gets trumped by Scorsese on his game.
The Aviator (expands 12/25)
It’s been out for a week or so in LA and New York, where none of us could see it. But this week The Aviator expands around the United States to give access to wider audiences. Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I feel more comfortable saying it: The Aviator is Martin Scorsese’s best film. It is also my favorite Scorsese film and easily the best movie of the year. DiCaprio’s brilliant performance as the aviator, industrialist, madman Howard Hughes defies explanation. Scorsese’s aerial shots are breathtaking, his characters rich and emotional. It’s an amazing masterpiece of sight, sound, and heavy drama. The Aviator finds a perfect and gripping balance between portraying Hughes as a hero of his era, and a genius slowly losing a battle against the ever worsening madness that he knows will one day claim him. This is Scorsese at his most breathtaking and cinema at its best. I think I can finally forgive him for subjecting me to Gangs of New York. Do not miss the best movie of the year and the film that will win Martin Scorsese his first Oscar for Best Director.
Still In Theaters and Worth Your Time: The Incredibles, Kinsey, Finding Neverland, Lemony Snicket’s a Series of Unfortunate Events, Spanglish, Sideways, National Treasure
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